Our Way to Fall
by Rinny
Summary: Reuploaded. AU: begins in later eps of GSeed. Athrun loves Cagalli, but she still clings onto Kira although he is her brother. Angst ensues. Meanwhile, Kira begins to find himself capable of darker intentions than just striving for peace and being nice t
1. Irony

Disclaimer: Gundam SEED is owned by Sunrise and Bandai.

A/N: This story was written 2 years ago and used to be titled "Love and War" (I changed it cuz it was too cheesy) and now I'm reposting it in the correct category with fixed names and edits. This is an AU because it follows quite a different path from the actual series, starting around episode 42. It may or may not include new characters from Destiny. Watch out for major angst ehehe. Btw, thoughts are in /slashes/.

Our Way to Fall

_Chapter 1: Irony_

(After Ep. 42)

/Will I always be second in your heart/ Athrun thought as he watched the silent Cagalli. They both stood, trying hard to stand strong, watching Lacus and Kira from afar. After her father's murder and a long separation, Lacus was finally reunited with Kira, but not before she commandeered the Eternal (which had the launching capacity for both Freedom and Justice) and left PLANT. The pink princess hugged the surprised Freedom pilot then, and after much ecstatic chatter amongst themselves, Lacus and Kira resorted to gazing at each other shyly.

Cagalli's eyes reddened, and believing that nobody noticed, she looked away, laughing instead.

"I guess I'm a fool," she said.

"Then I'll be a fool with you."

* * *

_Always. _Cagalli was always watching. She would often approach Eternal from the Archangel, appear to be visiting _him_, but stand outside Kira's closed door, in a sad and quiet way as she stared blankly into space. It was all the more sadder because her usual demeanor was so tomboyish and full of energy… Her presence somehow electrified him, sent shivers down his spine… and he seemed to always _know_- when she arrived, when she drifted across the halls of the ship, and when she left. He watched her too, of course. The amulet that she graced upon him that fateful day was always there, reminding him. She said that it would protect him, but now, it only reminded him how close he was to being the most important person to her.

Kira was not oblivious either, but he was always occupied with other things, and Lacus. There was always Lacus. They were an odd couple. Both were so pure that they emitted something like an invisible glow, unconsciously attracting everyone to their sides- Kira as the ace pilot and Lacus as a leader who received the loyalty of the entire crew. They spoke to each other only of the important things in life- philosophy, war, diplomacy... It made Athrun feel inferior, but only slightly. He wasn't too jealous, for Lacus' relationship with him was always more like a relationship between brother and sister. And although their engagement was set, it never seemed very _real_ to him.

"Irony," Asuran muttered to himself, while lying face up on his bed in the room he shared with Kira, who was currently on deck doing something or other.

/Irony./

That _she _loves him, and they are real brother and sister.

/Irony./

That this time what he felt was all too real. But fate had it made it so she felt none of the passion he had for her. Asuran cracked a dry laugh, and then resumed sulking on the bed.

* * *

(After Ep. 44)

"Freedom, please answer me. This is Eternal, do you copy?" Lacus had been signaling Kira for over 4 hours now, and Freedom had not yet returned with Mwu la Fllaga or the Srike Gundam.

"Archangel, anything from Srike?" said Andrew Wardfeld.

"Nothing," replied Murrue Ramius.

Lacus sighed. Logic reassured her that Kira was fine because he was the best gundam pilot she had ever seen, but she felt nothing but a constant chaos of anxiety and doubt. It wasn't that bad, but then again, Kira wasn't fighting when he was with her on PLANT. Now it was different, and Kira was always in danger. It was as if something cold was pressed up against her heart, suffocating her, whenever he went out with Freedom. Her hands would become hot and then cold and sweaty, "Is this the feeling they call love? If so, I _wish_…"

Cagalli's image popped up on the screen. In an tense voice she inquired, "Freedom? Any response?"

Lacus shook her head and looked down, so that her eyelashes brushed against her cheeks, "Nothing."

Cagalli's screen closed. From the look on her face, she was very worried as well. Lacus sighed yet again. The Mendel Colonies were dangerous. Not many people inhabited the place now, but some do, and they were neither belonging to ZAFT nor the Earth Alliance. /Just like us/ Lacus thought/of course, they are more like fugitives and syndicate members than a bunch of people striving for peace./

"Something may have happened to them in the facilities down there. We should send someone to investigate. I don't feel especially safe when Kreuze's ship is down there as well," Andrew Wardfeld said.

"It's too dangerous," Lacus replied.

"Not if a gundam of the same class is sent down," Wardfeld smiled.

"Ohhh!" and realization hit upon Lacus.

* * *

"Athrun Zala: report to main deck, prepare for battle mode. I repeat. Athrun Zala: report to main deck, prepare for..," the intercom wailed.

Athrun sat up from his bed swiftly. He knew exactly why he was being called. He had already changed into his pilot suit earlier and waited in his room for the call. Instead of reporting to the main deck, he went straight for where his gundam, Justice, was located.

* * *

"Why has Justice taken off?" Cagalli's screen popped up once more on Eternal's main deck.

"He is going to check up on Kira and Major Fllaga," Lacus replied.

"Then I will go too!" Cagalli exclaimed without hesitation, demonstrating her predilection for rushing into decisions once more.

"Wait!…" said Lacus, but Cagalli had already closed the connection.

* * *

Read and Review. Hopefully it's not too confusing because now everybody's watching SEED Destiny and forgetting the drama of the original Seed. 


	2. Coordinator

Disclaimer: Gundam SEED is owned by Sunrise and Bandai.

A/N: Happy happy joy joy for this is chapter 2! From this point on the story diverges from Ep 45 and stuff. Don't ask me how they can breathe on this planet- just look at the ending of GSeed—people in Space without a suit DIE, but they don't. D

**Our Way to Fall**

_Chapter 2: Coordinator_

Athrun jumped out of the cockpit of Justice and stepped down onto the barren ground of the planet He inspected his gun one last time, and acknowledged that it was fully loaded. "Time to get this start…" he said with a note of surprise- Cagalli's ship had just landed, "…ed."

Out jumped Cagalli, her gold hair hiding her now dark, hazel eyes. She was dressed in her combat outfit: a baggy red shirt/which does her figure no justice/ Athrun thought in amusement, cargo pants, and sturdy boots. She slung a machine gun over her shoulder and walked steadily towards him.

"We will rescue Kira," Cagalli stated. There was no hesitation or doubt in her voice, like the entire outcome of the "mission" was set in stone. Asuran stole a gaze towards her eyes, and they were blazing with something he couldn't place his finger on. It was like that time she pointed that gun at him after discovering he was a ZAFT soldier… or the time she searched the island frantically for Kira when he told her that he had self-destructed Aegis and killed Kira... It was just that ..look.

The facility looked broken down and uninhabited for years. Many of the windows were broken and, upon entering the facility, Athrun observed that the dust piled on the surroundings could have been over an inch thick. They could see carved onto the wall a double helix diagram labeled with phosphates and nucleotides. DNA: the one key that led to evolution and genetic modification. /How would we have known that this simple molecule would be the cause of all of this/ Cagalli thought.

This place was obviously a lab, and a rather large one at that. Many instruments of were neatly stacked on shelves. File cabinets lined and filled every space of the wall that wasn't already occupied by a refrigerator or desk. Thousands of tissue culture petri dishes were lined up on a desk, dust accumulating on them so that they looked yellow. Rows and rows of computers with blacked out screens were assembled on the massive tables. They were running too- the occasional beep and fan noise showed that, although Athrun wondered where the electrical supply was from, for the lab was completely deserted.

The next room was dark, but when Cagalli and Athrun entered, light flooded the vaulted ceilings. Tubes filled with fluid extended to the roof. Each tube carried an embryo. Human ones. Athrun paced around, hand on chin, in deep thought.

"What are you doing? We need to find Kira!" said Cagalli.

"…."

Cagalli, impatient, approached Athrun with annoyance in her voice. "Come on, we need to…"

"This is where I was born!" Athrun exclaimed.

* * *

"Fllaga-san, is it true? Who I am?" said Kira, "What am I? What is my purpose? I'm not special, I'm NOT!"

"I don't know, Kira. I don't know." Mwu la Fllaga said, staring deeply into Kira's eyes, that were filled with just as much confusion and shock as the eyes opposite him.

"But I do," Kreuze said as he stepped out from the corner, his gun cocked straight at Fllaga's head, "and we should stop playing around, because I have caught the mouse." He laughed dryly.

"What am I?" Kira asked yet again, his voice tainted with strange desperation.

"You really want to know?" Kreuze smirked, "You're a killer machine. The only surviving specimen of one of the largest experiments ever conceived." His hand tightened on the trigger, "A living organism created not by god but in the hands of humans who use genetic shuffling and manipulation… a Super Coordinator… you should be thankful- in terms of fighting skill, no one can match your strength, not even me. Ha. But you're just a lab experiment, nothing more. You don't even have a real family because you're not truly human. Those naturals you call 'friends', Ha- they'll all go against you someday- haven't you noticed the way they look at you? Only you and I understand the pain of being alone in the world. And you _are_ alone, Kira Yamato. But now I shall kill both of you," he paused, "It's been the longest of times, Mwu la Fllaga!"

Bang. And then the sound of a bloody bullet clinking upon contact with the marble ground.

* * *

"There should be a main computer here somewhere… we'd have a better chance of locating Kira if we try to toggle with the security panel views. I saw a camera in the front hall, and if there are more working, we could have a chance," said Athrun.

"Uh… sure," replied Cagalli, "but I'm not too good with computers."

"Maybe I could teach you someday," Athrun grinned, "when the war ends I mean."

"…."

They found the mainframe computer easily; it was the largest computer there. Athrun pressed the I/O start-up button and the large monitor lit up with an eerie blue glow.

"So… I've never asked, but how did you meet Kira?" Athrun said.

"Uhh… Kira, he…" Cagalli's cheeks turned slightly pink (at least Athrun thought they did) "Kira saved me. On Helipolis… when ZAFT blew it up, he put me into the last shuttle and risked, no, sacrificed his own life- just to help me, a nameless stranger."

"Oh." Athrun felt the guilt seep through himself. He thought with remorse/I was there too. And I helped too, only instead to destroy Heliopolis. How would I have known that you were there/

"I think Kira is the noblest person I have ever met, even though he isn't decisive or individual, and he's so shy…" Cagalli trailed on.

Now Athrun felt jealousy override his feelings of guilt as fast as the waves of a tsunami. He forced a small pained smile and reached his hand over to her's. She broke free of his grip, stepping back, stumbling as her arm landing on the keyboard accidentally. The computer buzzed, and many new windows appeared suddenly on the vast monitor.

CONFIDENTIAL

HUMAN GENOME PROJECT 113

Athrun stared at the new information appearing on the screen. It was as if his body turned into stone. "It's Kira."

"… through genetic manipulation and extraction of various genes off several P generation subjects, we were able to manufacture the newest military weapon: the Supreme Coordinator. Under certain conditions, such as danger and pressure in battle, the Supreme Coordinator will react with SEED mode, enabling optimized battle performance." Cagalli read.

A small picture was located at the bottom of the screen. "That's Kira. It's him. I know him from when he was little. I'd know his face anywhere." Athrun said, shocked.

"It… It can't be true!" Cagalli exclaimed, her voice filled with frenzy. "He's my brother… But… he's also a coordinator, and I'm not…," as if reaching some sort of odd conclusion, she ran out of the computer room.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to find Kira!" Cagalli shouted. /This means, he's not really my brother after all. I… I… and he will…/ she was afraid of thinking more deeply about the subject, afraid of having false hope, for it might all be a dream and disappear like fog when the morning lifts. She didn't know where she was running towards, but she ran with all the strength that her legs had.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Athrun felt his heart skip a beat. It was obviously Kagari's scream that he had just heard. Taking his gun, he raced towards the source of the scream.

* * *

Hopefully this was a satisfactory explanation for coordinators. I never clearly understood why Cagalli and Kira are brother/sister- I mean, she's not a coordinator (?), and even in the anime, Kira is a Super Coordinator- the brother/sister thing seemed to be a plot convenience so that the CagallixKira couple could be brushed out of existence. My interpretation is that Kira's genes are severely modified and manipulated, beyond just having the average coordinator's immunity to several diseases and faster reflexes, etc. I think Cagalli and Kira are at least half-brother/sister, if not almost completely unrelated. This doesn't mean the story will definitely be CagallixKira, but it makes it interesting… Chapter 3 will feature a very jealous Athrun and the appearance of a certain unanimously voted most hated character. :P Please review if you like/hate the story and have anything random to say. 


	3. Fury

Disclaimer: Gundam SEED is owned by Sunrise and Bandai.

**Our Way to Fall**

_Chapter 3: Fury_

Bang. And then the sound of a bloody bullet clinking upon contact with the marble ground.

* * *

A scream.

It was everywhere. Blood. Parts of the floor were seeped in a dark crimson, like a can of paint had been knocked over, but the tangy smell of iron in the air yelled that it wasn't paint, but something else... Blood. The walls were artistically splattered. Blood. And his body… wrapped in a stained uniform… what would have looked like spilled wine if only he wasn't on the ground, eyes closed and face pale. Cagalli had to force herself not to vomit at the sight of it all. He was dead.

There, laughing maniacally, was Raul le Kreuze, holding a weapon of 7.62 mm caliber. Then the laughing was halted suddenly, and the proud ZAFT captain's face turned steadily purple. An arm wrapped around Kreuze's neck, suffocating him. Cagalli caught a glimpse of those violet eyes she'd recognize anywhere, except now they were blank and empty and above all, violent and purposeful.

"Kira, stop!" Athrun had just rushed into the room, "Don't do it!"

Kira said nothing; his face was unemotional but his eyes spoke of infinite fury and maybe, a glimpse of pain. Still he did not release Kreuze from the choke hold.

"Please Kira, stop!" Cagalli was about to burst into tears, and now she desperately tried to hold back the tears that were lingering on the brim of her eyes.

"Kira! Don't! We need him! Think of what taking the captain of the ZAFT military for a hostage would mean!" Athrun said. He glanced at his former captain/You were like a father to me, like my father never was. I must save you, even if you are ZAFT/ he thought.

"So you are on his side." Kira spat out the words like they were venom, "Traitor."

Athrun lay silent. His face was contorted and pale. Cagalli's eyes glanced back and forth between Kira and Athrun. She was scared because of the death in the air, the smell of blood, but more so, she was truly frightened by this new Kira, who no longer smiled and was kind, but seemed violent and ruthless. Athrun's hands were balled into fists. He seemed to tremble in anger because of Kira's accusation. She reached over and held his hand. Even in this dire situation, Athrun was still comforted slightly by that small soft hand that held his. He gained confidence and retorted back:

"You know it's not right, Kira." Athrun took a breath, "I feel sorrow for Major Fllaga's death as well, but this is war. Not everything can be separated into right or wrong, black or white. Almost everyone wants to do the write thing, but each person's view of what's right differs by a shade. Lacus taught me that. This war started all because we can't forgive people and resolve our differences in opinion! Kira, please don't kill for revenge. People die everyday, and we can't help it because of this terrible thing, this war! I want it to stop, and I know you do too. So please, don't kill anymore, because that will make you my enemy. Please! Kira!"

"You wouldn't kill me anyway," Raul le Kreuze said suddenly, not without difficulty because his oxygen supply was on the verge of being exhausted.

"Why wouldn't I kill you?" Kira shouted, loosening his hold on Kreuze slightly, although it still did not give the captain much air. "Why not? You bastard," he said coldly.

"Because," Kreuze gasped for air, "Fllay. I have her."

"Fllay?" Kira's eyes widened with shock. His irises began to shift back to their original color, and his face lost some of its tension. "Fllay? Why? How? How is it possible?" His arm slowly released the gagging ZAFT captain, but not so much that Kreuze could actually escape. Athrun raised his gun and pointed it at Kreuze, in case he thought of escaping.

"I don't care whether you believe it or not. But if you want to risk the life of you fellow, ah 'comrade', you can go ahead and kill me. It doesn't matter anyway. I've killed _him _already." He laughed. Kira couldn't believe it, the bastard had laughed, of all things.

"You … you… !" Kira felt the rage surge through him. All of a sudden his hands were on the captain's neck again; his body had acted of its own accord. Slowly, his arms started to squeeze and squeeze around that puny neck…

"Stop it Kira! It's not going to revive Major Fllaga!" Cagalli could not hold back any longer, the tears started flowing, and she couldn't stop. She didn't even know for what she was crying about. It was true that she was sad about Fllaga's death, but her emotions were much more raw. The tears came like the flood from the breakdown of a dam, a dam that was the mask she wore over her desires- the compilation of recent events were just too much: the constant reminder that she and Kira was siblings, the discovery that he may not be, the discovery that he was capable of killing without holding back, and most of all, the constant repression of an unrequited love.

Kira felt his body break down; he slumped onto the hard marble floor with his fists on the ground. The tears started flowing as well, silently at first, and then turning into loud sobs. "What will I say to Captain Ramiasu?" Kira said, gazing up at his friends. Cagalli felt an uncomfortable sensation rise in her chest at the sight of him. His face was so innocent and sad as tears streamed down his cheeks, making him look younger than he was. It was her Kira, her wonderful Kira, who was never decisive and never forward. Her brother, who was not really her brother after all. She let go of Athrun's hand and knelt down beside Kira, holding him as a mother would hold a child, and let him cry into her chest. Now he held her too, clingingly, as if he would never let go.

"Shhh…" Cagalli whispered, "Cry. Cry it all out. It's ok. It will be all ok."

* * *

Athrun watched them in a daze. It was like watching a movie, and he was just part of the audience, a detached being. It felt unrealistic, but then why was he still pointing the gun at Kreuze where Kira had left him on the ground? He didn't know what he felt anymore- jealousy, sadness, or anger. But above all there was the sudden loneliness that washed over his heart. There was a closeness between Cagalli and Kira that he had never experienced. Whenever _he _and Cagalli were together, Athrun only remembered Cagalli being on edge and acting like he was the mortal enemy, which he was, as a ZAFT soldier

Blond strands lay on top of soft brown, messy hair; hazel eyes complemented violet ones, and their tears sparkled and mingled together in the fluorescent light. It was like a painting, and the subjects were beautiful together. It felt like a hammer had hit him on the head- it was obvious right then and there who Cagalli loved. And it was not him. It was never him. /But then, why did it have to be Kira, my best friend? Why? My first love and my best friend/ His heart was heavy and sad, but he was also filled with rage/Kira doesn't even deserve her love! First he steals my fiancée and then Cagalli! He is a coordinator, not a natural, and he fights for the Earth Alliance instead of ZAFT, and then makes _me _out to be the wrong one. There's nothing wrong with being a good soldier for your country! But no- you had to come in and destroy everything I believed in, making me go against my father, making me forget Bloody Valentine… And even though I chose that path- became a good person, she still thinks you're better- even though you're just full of high ideals. Have you lived through betraying everything you hold dear/ More than ever, he wanted to walk right up to them and pry the two apart, punch Kira in the face, and then elope with Cagalli to someplace in the galaxy where the war couldn't touch. But that wasn't right. It wouldn't _work._ Athrun regretted his thoughts of self pity/I should be sad about Major Fllaga's death. But why is it I feel almost no sadness for him? I should feel ashamed of these feelings right now, but I don't. Is that wrong/

* * *

Fllay gaze out into space through the thick clear windows. Hoping, no- praying that _he_ would be back soon, that man who was so cold yet she felt so close to. She closed her eyes and thought back to those happy times so long ago. Her memory of then was as clear as yesterday. "Papa…"

* * *

It's so angsty! (and far too melodramatic sigh) I love writing heart tortured angst, partly because it's easy to express and partly because it's funny as hell. I always thought of Athrun as more of a moping character. He's always the support character, and he's always being kicked back and chewed on by everyone else, just look at his conversations with Shinn in GSD, and the fact that he has to lie down low as Yuna tramples all over him in ORB. It's time for more human reactions here- Athrun must have _some _anger inside of him. 


End file.
